oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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