I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
