Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
