I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
