Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
