Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You can't special order awesome
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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