I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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