woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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