Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
