I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
