wanna go halves on a baby?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
