ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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