as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
