No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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