You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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