New invention idea: vibrating tampons
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Are we still banned from the library?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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