Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
