the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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