Reggie can tackle my bush.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
