You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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