just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
