dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
