is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
