I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
