i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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