Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
