My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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