girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
