Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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