my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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