Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
