she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
