Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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