worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
