I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
