is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
