We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
