Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
