I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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