you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
