I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
