I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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