Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
