im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
