8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
