sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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