I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
