She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
