Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
