In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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