I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
